Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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