update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
