Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
