I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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