I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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