Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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