It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
