The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
