Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
