either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
