Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
