I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
