I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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