There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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