I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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