I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
