Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
