you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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