OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
