yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
