we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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