You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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