I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
