why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
