I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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