It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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