Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was born a porn star she said
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need to align my fucking chakras
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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