my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
