Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I wear drunk well.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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