i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
