omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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