Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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