I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
