Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
