You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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