Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
