upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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