Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
