i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
