The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
