well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
