I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
