if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You can't special order awesome
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
