My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
