Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
