I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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