All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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