I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
