I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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