how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
